The law I do is concerned with blood splatter patterns, bodily fluids and firearms residues as opposed to the more esoteric (and lucrative) commercial stuff. I am also a published novelist ('twentytwelve' published by Adonis and Abbey in 2006) which you should all order immediately in support of my desperate attempt to get its amazon.co.uk rating below half a million!
The above poster was produced by an organisation called Class War, a body usually described as anarchist and apparently dedicated to overthrowing the ruling order by being very rude about it indeed in - often very amusing - posters, stickers etc., including the above of 'Dave' Cameron, a Prime Minister.
Soooooooo...
A man in east London named David Hoffman (apparently a photographer of some distinction) put one of the above posters in his window. Who should arrive on his doorstep but plod? Four of them to be exact. They asked him for identification. This is on his own doorstep. He says that on going to close the door temporarily the police forced entry. The police deny this (oh yeah?) Let Mr Hoffman take up the story. 'They burst into my house, pushed me back and handcuffed me. They said I had committed an offence under section 5 of the Public Order Act, I was being detained, and I might be arrested'.
Huh? By what authority?
White Rabbit being at the cutting edge of law blogging, setting out the statutory provision relied on by the police is in order.
'5(1) A person is guilty of an offence if he—
...
(b) displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting,
within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby'.
A police inspector telephoned Mr Hoffman and expressed the opinion that 'any reasonable person' would find his poster 'alarming, harassing or distressful'.
I can only comment that the inspector has a rich fantasy life. Apparently a neighbour had complained that she found the poster offensive. But - he wrote in a patient tone of voice - that is not the same thing. At the risk of repetition, there is no human right not to be offended, nor is anyone protected by the criminaL law against being offended. Nor should they be.
Mr Hoffman duly took down the poster but, I am pleased to report, has put it back up with 'wanker' removed and 'onanist' replacing it. Much classier, I'm sure you'll all agree. As to whether 'Dave' is a practitioner of the gentle art of self-pleasuring, it is too early to tell. Okay, it isn't
Meanwhile on the other side of the political divide, there is much speculation who will stand for the now vacant leadership of the Labour Party. It may be that both Miliband brothers may stand. The rabbit as an undergraduate in the late middle ages used to occasionally attend their father's lectures despite not being on any of his courses. I wonder what he would have made of this. Actually, I have a pretty canny idea. Another possible candidate is Mr Ed, a horse.
Recently there has been an intermittent whiff of veiled threat during the post election limbo as regards what the financial markets would and would not like and what consequences may follow if the outcome is disobliging from the point of view of the financial markets.
A question.
Who elected the financial markets?
Perhaps to paraphrase Brecht, the financial markets may care to dissolve the people and award themselves a new one.
Since blogging on Albert yesterday, I have had an e-mail from his daughter Alicia. I copy and paste...
Thanks so much for blogging about my father, Albert Johanneson. I didn't know that Billy Bremner spoke of him in such glowing terms. I know that a lot of things have been written about my father, some true and some untrue, and, unfortunately people tend to repeat the erroneous information disseminated about him. I don't know where you got your information from about my dad, but I would like to take the time to clarify a few points you made.
First and foremost, my father, while being an excellent footballer, was also a human being who suffered from the ravages of alcoholism. Contrary to what you wrote, I'm sure he did want to be helped, but like anyone who experiences a disease like alcoholism, I'm sure there were times when he couldn't have given two figs about his well-being; he probably just craved another drink and nothing more. Nevertheless, I'm convinced that when he was sober he did want to be helped, but often times probably didn't know how to fully appreciate the love and concern meted out to him in that regard.
Secondly, my father was not buried in an unmarked grave. As you know, it takes some time to create a headstone for the deceased, and since my sister and I requested that the wording on the headstone be taken from a Maya Angelou poem, we had to secure permission to use it. Hence the delay in putting up the headstone, which, by the way, was paid for by Leeds United management.
Anyway, I just wanted to take some time to clarify those points and thank you once again for shedding some positive light on my dad and his place in British football.
Phew! Leeds finally promoted after beating Bristol Rovers 2-1 but they put the faithful through the wringer first. The story starts with a man called 'Mad' Max Gradel. It's 0-0 but Leeds are bossing play. 'Mad' gets annoyed and decks a Bristol Whatstheirname player. The referee sends him off. He won't go. He wants a pop at everyone. His team mates have to restrain him. Watch two of them wrestling with him on the clip. Then two security guys have to come on and remove him from the pitch. That's my kind of Leeds player. But that's the problem: indiscipline, self destruct button pressed, hubris. Been like that for decades...
Then Bristol Rovers score. Leeds losing 0-1. The rabbit is in despair. If we don't make it this season the wheels are bound to start coming off the wagon. It's Groundhog Day again. Then manager Grayson makes a substitution that changes the game. Howson comes on and scores in (I think) 4 minutes flat. Then Beckford scores. Nerves jangle. Don't concede a goal. Then we're up. Then resolution. We didn't and we are. Groundhog Day is finally concluded
I've been meaning to blog about Albert for ages. Today is a good day to give effect to that intention. Albert Johanneson was a black South African. It seems weird to write it today, but he was the first black professional footballer of any particular note - at least in English terms, that is. He was a winger and amazingly skilful. He literally ran rings round people. There was a clip on YouTube, an old grainy black and white clip, of Albert doing a mazy run down the wing leaving opponents literally flat on their backs after failing to intercept him. I can't find it now, which is a pity. The Leeds crowd loved him. He was just 'Albert' to the entire town. Painfully shy, he asked the groundsman permission before going on the pitch to train. The habits of subservience learned in apartheid South Africa clearly ran deep. His wife went to the same butchers as my parents.'That's Albert's wife' it would be announced - redundantly - after she got out of earshot. Albert was joint top scorer as Leeds won the Second Division Championship in 1964. He took the first division by storm the season after.
There was to be no happy ending. His skills were met by the most dreadful racial abuse by opposing supporters and kicking by opposing players - notoriously Nobby Stiles who kicked him so badly in the 1964/5 FA Cup semi final that Albert couldn't make the replay. I quote from the late, great Billy Bremner 'I would like to say what an excellent player he was. He was frightening on the wing and used to turn defenders inside out. He was fast, clever with the footwork, very accurate with crosses, and had a terrific shot. I always thought that he did not get a fair deal from the media because he was black. They were forever on about being the first black player to do this, or the first black player to do that. They completely overlooked the fact that he was a terrific player and deserves recognition as a human being and professional footballer'.
Albert got more and more targeted. Bremner and Jack Charlton tried to protect him on the pitch but even they couldn't be the minders all the time. Things began to unravel for Albert boith physically and mentally. Appearances became more and more infrequent, his situation aggravated by persistent imnjuries and erratic form. He joined York City in 1970 after 200 games and 79 goals for Leeds. He retired in 1972 after doing nothing very special for York.
Albert drifted into alcoholism and penury. His wife and two children left him and went to America. People tried to help him but he didn't want to be helped. He was at one point a vagrant and a rough sleeper. He was found dead by police who forced entry in his council flat in Leeds in 1995 aged apparently 55 (I have seen two ages quoted for Albert). He had been dead for some days. He was buried in an unmarked grave. In the end a headstone was put on his grave. It includes a part of a Maya Angelou poem:
Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide Welling and swelling I bear in the tide Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave I am the dream and the hope of the slave I rise I rise I rise
Poor man. Such a sad story.
It will be noted that the rabbit has hitherto refrained from commenting on the election result. It would appear that we are to be governed by a sack of blancmange. Is it me or is he one weird looking character who seems to resemble his Steve Bell cartoon persona more with every passing day? Whether the sack of blancmange and his gruesome gang get to govern or not seems to depend on the Clegg person - someone the rabbit has never really taken to. The Clegg person is thus in danger of being removed from the traffic light axis of persons of goodwill. I can only hope that the sack of blancmange fails massively and the electoral system - which is as bent as a nine bob note - is reformed so that his ilk can never form a majority government again - not that he could manage it in the first place. I have spoken. While on the subject of traffic lights, here is a pic nicked from Jailhouselawyer, which is fun, of a birds' nest on some traffic lights in Leicestershire.
...and here is BNP top gorilla Bob Bailey kicking some kid in the head. The kid spat at him but even so... Hat Tip to Hope Not Hate.
Beyond that, the rabbit has nothing to add as regards the election at this stage. Except of course this. I ain't gonna work on Maggie's Farm no more. Fact.
Oh and just to raise the tone some bloke in Germany has married his cat. You know it makes sense. The happy event is on video so follow the link. Hat Tip to Sarcastic Bastard.
Okay a parting, parting shot on the election, one tiny footprint in the sands of time for the rabbit (well, idea by the rabbit , execution by Beau Bo D'Or) was the disobey Murdoch thing. It got everywhere - including YouTube! Fact!
A very quick blog from the rabbit who has been hopping about London all weekend, mostly with glass in hand. Above is Shine Eye Gal from Sly and Robbie with Black Uhuru. I posted a dub version (just Sly and Robbie) back in July 2008 and was going to set up a link but discovered the clip had been taken down. Usual reason: terms of use violation. If this doesn't do it for you, checking your pulse is in order. You are probably dead.
Talking of doing it for you (or me to be more accurately), let the rabbit praise Malbec wines. As mentioned yesterday, the rabbit had drinkies with Charon QC last night. Bottle 2 was Malbec, a grape variety which, despite being one of a handful of grapes considered okay for the Bordeaux appelation, is pretty obscure. Its base in France is in Cahors where the local 'black wine' must be at least 70% Malbec grapes.
The Malbec grape has been planted in Argentina since the mid-1800s but has only recently been noticed. Argentinian Malbec is quality. Trust me on this! Interestingly, when the Cahors Malbc producers noticed the Argeninian Malbecs, instead of the ususal French hissy fit at New World competition, they combined with the Argegentine producers to promote the Malbec wines, The rabbit is happy to add his endorsement.
Now hands up who would like David ('Dave') Cameron's head on a stick? Rabbit Public Services are glad to oblige. Here's the link that shows you how. Furthermore, after yesterdays's family friendly squirrelpic, some commenters have suggested that the pic was photoshopped. Tsk! Such cynicism! Here's the proof it was nothing of the sort.
Catch Her in the Wry (link to left) has posted a most unpleasant true story. I pass it on as a warning to others.
Have some Doors - Riders on the Storm to be exact...
The rabbit is a bit time poor today, having just returned from an early start in Manchester - a smallish town in Lancashire of no particular consequence - to a Lever arch file of papers to be read for tomorrow so just a quick pic nicked from Jailhouse Lawyer. After crasher squirrel we have handshaking squirrel.
Very endearing and not a word about the election...
Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi seems like a sensible chap. He recently helpfully explained that earthquakes are caused by women dressing immodestly. Makes sense to me. 'Many women who do not dress modestly lead men astray, corrupt chastity and spread adultery in society which ... increases earthquakes. ' our man added thoughtfully. And indeed there is a lot of that sort of thing about. I mean adultery not earthquakes - or possible vice versa. Oh never mind...
Anyway...
Enter someone called Jen McCreight who appears to be auditioning for junior secularist of the year. She declares today Boobquake Day. Women are to show their cleavage en masse today and see if an earthquake results.
1-0 to Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi methinks. The delightful blogger catch her in the wry has taken an interest in this matter.
I hold her personally responsible!
;)
Oh and the Disobey Murdoch on the 6th May thing has gone viral. It's all over the net like a rash. It is even being plagiarised (see below - names have been taken)! I'd be lying if I said I haven't got a buzz out of it.
After yesterday's posting I had a word with Beau Bo D'Or. As you see our man has come up trumps! Thanks, Neil - it's a cracker. There is also a button for your sidebar. I did suggest that the button should be in yellow as well as red but you can't have everything. Pass it on!
A parting shot - I was amused to say David Miliband in the paper today telling the unruly electorate that it was time to stop punishing Labour over Iraq.
The behaviour of the right wing press is getting startling in its odiousness - even for them. Having concluded that the election was a shoo in for 'Dave' and Murdoch senior having thus committed the Sun and News of the World, things have gone badly awry - notably because of the Lib Dem surge and Cleggmania.
It's no more Mr Nice Guy for the Murdoch press, the Daily Mail and the Torygraph. The rabbit is no huge fan of Nick Clegg but some of the bile being avalanched on his head by a rattled Tory press is beyond the pale.
The above will give something of the flavour of the attack dogs - namely demented. The route to 'Nazi slur' is convoluted to say the least. In fact if it were not so odious the 'story' would be a joke. The Daily Mail is also at pains to point out that Clegg's father is half Russian, his mother Dutch and his wife Spanish.
SO
FUCKING
WHAT?
Not to be outdone, the Torygraph has a story, as someone pointed out in as big a banner headline as 9/11 merited, 'revealing' (this had already been declared and was a matter of public record) that some donors had paid money directly into his bank account to pay a researcher.
SO
FUCKING
WHAT?
(part 2)
Meanwhile all is not well in the Murdochbunker. James ('Baby Doch') Murdoch and the startlingly redheaded Rebekah Wade managed to slip their care in the community people and busted into the newsroom of the Independent 'see cartoon above), much to the surprise of the assembled hacks. The Independent had the temerity to have distributed free copies with a wraparound front page announcing 'Rupert Murdoch won't decide this election - you will'.
The cheek!!!
Baby Doch stormed up to the Independent's editor in chief.
'What are you fucking playing at?' he bellowed. Tsk! Such pottymouth is a bad example to His Rupertness's subjects. Baby Doch and Ms Wade were steered into the editor in chief's office where a heated debate took place.
Personally, I'd have called security to chuck them out.
One matter that has attracted comment is how the growth of the internet has created a much more open debate than that dictated by the usual suspects. This may explain in part their discomnfiture. The rabbit can only suggest that all people of goodwill cast their votes to indicate their disobedience of Murdoch, the Mail, the Torygraph. The whole motley crew...
Observers of Earl's Bug Eyed Quiz will know of the rabbit's general ignorance of matters cinematic. This has not stopped him launching into film review mode on a few occasions in the recent past and heer is another. Last Friday he hopped off to see The Ghost, directed by Roman Polanski (for whose presernt difficulties the rabbit has no sympathy whatsoever) and adapted from the book by Robert Harris. Unlike my companion to this excursion to the Covent Garden Odeon, I hadn't read the book but I have read other novels by Robert Harris, notably Fatherland, which is unusual as a dystopia set in the past - as it were. Well technically, such fiction is known as alternative time line but I digress. Harris was formerly a big mate of one Tony Blair and of the New Labour project. Not any more.
Pierce Brosnan plays a former British Prime Minister holed up in his publisher's bunker on Martha's Vineyard working to finalise his memoirs. The Ghost - played by Ewan McGregor but in a clever device not given a name is recruited to work on the memoirs when the previous ghost becomes literally a ghost - apparently drowned when drunk. The Ghost is an apolitical ghostwriter of celebrity autiobiographies. Has he been chosen as a lightweight? If so, it is a bad move as he starts asking all the right sort of questions.
The former British Prime Minister is accused of war crimes, namely facilitating the rendition of UK citizens to be tortured by waterboarding (or enhanced interrogation techniques in Cheneyspeak). The International Criminal Court would like a word. Now who on earth could this be a not too subtle reference to?
Beats me too.
Olivia Williams as the ex-PM's wife is splendid as a cross between Cherie and Lady Macbeth. The rabbit was also rather taken with her so she gets lead pic. The Ghost discovers as he works to edit the memoirs that not all of the ex-PM's biography is as it would appear to be. He starts digging. Okay - here comes the spoiler bit - it emerges that the former British Prime Minister has been on the CIA payroll since the 1970s.
The difference with Blair is he did it for free.
It's okay as a film. Citizen Kane it ain't but it's worth a watch. There is a sort of nod, but not a good one, to Reg Keys - the father who lost his son in the iRaq war. Reg Keys did't do what the character in the film did. He stood against Blair in the 2005 election, got over 10% of the vote and made one of the great political speeches of all time. Here it is via the BBC - just watch it - and above all listen to it - the raw emotion is just devastating. In particular watch Blair and Cherie's faces as they have to stand there and take it - and even applaud at the end.
To lighten the mood and back to the current election, here is Beau Bo D'Or (link to left) making a tongue in cheek sequel to the 'I've never voted Conservative before' posters. To overseas readers and the inattentive, the Conservatives have pledged a £150 tax break for married couples - a really, really dumb idea in the rabbit's opinion.
Plus here is Charon QC - at it again and probably at the Rioja as well...
This is a gastronomic variant on the usual grumpy old man type query. Why do soups seem to be overwhelmingly nothing more - or less - than pureed vegetables these days? Everything - and meat suffers as badly as vegetables in this respect - just seems to get pureed to mush. Why is this? Is it something to do with 'Elf and Safety - a fear that someone choking on a lumpy bit would sue for not being warned 'Caution: may contain lumpy bits'? Or is it some strange perception that a customer getting a lighter soup will somehow feel they aren't getting value for money?
Talking of mush, this splendid offshoot from Dave's performance in the all singing all dancing (okay it wasn't but I can dream) Election Debate and in particular his imaginary friend who popped up therein has hit the ether. Those naughty parodists have been at it again. Is there no repect these days? I think my personal favourite is 'last week, I met a young gentleman, who told me that Lady Gaga raped the next door's beagle'. There is of course a lot of that sort of thing about these days. Or possibly 'last week, I met an Afghan baker, who told me that the underclass took all of their money and spent it on a duck island'. Okay check it out yourselves. I do actually think something very - erm - mould breaking is stirring among the avalanches of dross in the run-up to the election but there are sure to be plenty of twists yet.
Another election-related comment, I fear. Caroline Lucas, the leader of the Green Party...
...for some bizarre reason reminds me of (younger readers will have to bear with me) the Clitheroe Kid.
Think I lie down now. Just 7 more hits and White Rabbit will go over the 50,000 mark!I resisted the temptation to cheat and click on refresh seven times, he typed virtuously. Oh and another gem from jailhouselawyer. A man pleaded guilty to a number of counts at Leicester Crown Court including buggery of a horse and of a donkey. He awaits sentence and when the topic of bail came up his counsel announced that he 'did not have a stable address'. Stable? Geddit? Oh never mind...
With Hat Tip to jailhouselawyer for drawing the rabbit's attention to this story. We have an - erm - rabbit whisperer as reported in the Torygraph. Cliff Penrose has a talent for hypnotising rabbits leaving them flat on their backs with their legs in the air. As one does. He regularly hypnotises rabbits before they go to the vet so they can be treated and examined more easily, reports the Torygraph. He also treats "problem" rabbits with behavioural issues and can make them less aggressive after putting them in a trance. The furry fellows evidently can live longer after a bit of the old de-stressing by Cliff.
All very odd...
Talking of odd, White Rabbit can exclusively reveal what 'Dave' Cameron looks like before airbrushing. Suspected as much....
Seriously, the Museum of Taxidermy closed in January due to lack of visitors but now you can buy these exhibits which were donated by a Victorian adventurer known as Prof Copperthwaite. Apparently, Victorian visitors were fooled by these somewhat strange exhibits, which also included the alarming flying cat...
And do unicorns exist? Of course they do. Here's the proof.
With the election hotting up, those naughty Downfall captioneers are at it again. This time they are taking a pop at 'Dave' - whatever next? Okay, more mockery of our likely next Prime Minister, that's what...
Meanwhile three pigs have obligingly sorted out the election result thus saving the rest of us the bother. Hat Tip to Mahal, who will enjoy the image below, nicked from jailhouse lawyer
Nicked from Earl to whom Hat Tip. What exactly is going on here? It's from some US TV show called Community. It's on NBC. Just to raise the tone, here are the Dead with Lovelight. I once saw them do this live. How cool is that? Okay, it's a rhetorical question.
Oh and Beau Bo D'Or (link to left) strikes again...
...on the Guardian's spoof election posters. Idea by the rabbit, photoshopping stuff by someone who knows who he is but is far too modest to want to be named.
The x-ray hands on the last posting came from a website called wacky archives. Here are a few more x-ray goodies, such as man at work here...
And a busload of people on the move...
Oh dear, a nail in the tyre...
Time for a nice cup of tea (he wrote coming over all Thora Hird in an Alan Bennett monologue)...
The rabbit has nothing to declare but his lack of enthusiasm for the exercise. Labour don't deserve to win and the people they are supposed to represent don't deserve the Conservatives - an annoying collection of upper class twits and right wing gits of the worst stripe. The best solution would be a hung Parliament which then legislated some serious constitutional reform - proper proportional representation, fixed term parliaments, a wholly elected second chamber. This album cover summed up the 1970 election for many. Perhaps time to dust it down.
But just one thing with all the passion I can muster. The BNP will be looking for a breakthrough. They should be resisted. 'Do not rejoice in his defeat, you men. For though the world has stood up and stopped the bastard, the bitch that bore him is in heat again. (Bertold Brecht - referring to Arturo Ui (representing Hitler), in The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui (1941)
With Hat Tip to Daniel Hoffman-Gill, here is a pic of 'Dave' with subliminal message to the right. Talking of posh, here is a clip called Gap Yah which has gone viral on YouTube.
Continuing on the posh theme, the Guardian's April Fool spoof (the proper one, not the one that was real but ought to have been a spoof as regards the Tower of Horrors was to the effect that Labourr strategists were planning to cash in on Brown's dour hard man image. Some mock up posters were shown. The tragedy is that they were hugely better than anything that Labour will come up with for real (see below). I'm offskies down to London now. Happy Easter to all as wants such wishes. I tried to find an orthodox choir online for a bit of Easter music (okay, it's not the orthodox Easter but let's not get technical) but a combination of sound failure and confusion over choices defeated that plan for now. Any ideas Android?
Oh and as a parting shot - as it were - if you feel the urge to slap a politician, get slapping on the slapometer . 'Dave' strikes me as a bit - okay a lot - underslapped so get redressing the balance.
The above poster was produced by an organisation called Class War, a body usually described as anarchist and apparently dedicated to overthrowing the ruling order by being very rude about it indeed in - often very amusing - posters, stickers etc., including the above of 'Dave' Cameron, a Prime Minister.
