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March 01, 2024
Redux Online Lolita: Real Life Facebook Messenger Romances.
A youngish, attractive female human —between 18 and 25 from “her” photo — recently friended me on Facebook. I apparently accepted thinking she had some personal connection to me; she does not. Today she privately messaged me to chat via Facebook Messenger. We chatted while I was still at my office--I'm a youngish energetic Boomer lawyer; we're all like this, even on Friday nights--in my last half-hour at work. I unfriended her at 7:26 PM.
Look, there is nothing more dangerous/ unsexy than this kind of human you meet on the Net. Okay, a bit funny to me maybe. However, if you're a regular homely and/or sexually-frustrated married guy unskilled in philandering, or a part-time or novice cad, this is NOT fun, funny or safe. Do not try this at home; you'll just screw it up, end up on a Chris Hansen NBC show. Am correcting typos/punctuation of her English prose for clarity in this post. Otherwise verbatim:
(Chat Conversation Begin 6:56PM)
HER: Hi
ME: Hi, what's up? Can I help you?
[longish pause]
HER: How are you doing?
ME: Fine. And you?
HER: I am doing well. I am looking for a good man.
ME: That would not be me. I have had 2 or maybe 3 wives and scores of girlfriends and cheated on every one of them. Besides you are way too young for me. Way.
[moderate pause]
HER: You mean you cheated on your wives and GFs?
ME: Yes. I just typed that. Every one of them. I think there's something wrong with me.
[No pause at all but then this non-sequitur response...]
HER: But I believe with love 2 people can overcome age and distance.
ME: Well, I don't. I'm looking for (1) Smith College, (2) brilliance, (3) wit, (4) Anglo-Gaelic breeding, (5) athleticism, (6) world-class beauty, (7) a flat in London and (8) really big trust funds. And (9) right here in DC. Must have all 9.
[another longish pause]
HER: Really?
ME: Yes. Absolutely. How did we get to be FB friends? I may be the wrong Dan Hull. There are lots of Dan Hulls and most are lazy hillbillies like me. Half of us are in jail.
[short pause]
HER: Uhhh...ok.
[Chat Conversation End 7:25pm]
Original post: September 5, 2018
Posted by JD Hull at March 1, 2024 12:34 AM
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