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September 07, 2007
Will Ruthie stand WAC? up?
Ruthie, British blawger and femme fatale, is missing in America. For the handful of readers--English men, guys who like show tunes, bored housewives, etc.--who have followed the Ruthie-WAC? anticipated friends-with-benefits Transatlantic coupling, here's some news:
Earlier this week, Ruthie, who has been in the U.S. since September 1, called and agreed to meet my boss at a half-way point. After an hour's negotiation, they chose the familiar "Marriott, Salt Lake City City Center", Salt Lake City, Utah--a hotel WAC? once said is "freaking
Twilight Zone-strange, my friend, and please quote me"--and to finally meet in the lobby at 6:00 PM (Rocky Mountain Time) last night.
But Ruthie has yet to appear. Has she stiffed WAC? in retaliation for past posts re: her alleged world-class promiscuity? Is she OK? Did she just meet a genuinely nice and well-meaning "non-Jack" Mormon guy who reminded her of Brit men? Or did she just realize that getting involved with WAC?, a leading American heterosexual, entailed biting off, as it were, more than she can really chew?
Meanwhile, WAC?, fresh from a productive Labor Day Renaissance Weekend in California, in good spirits, and "randy enough to swive a snake in an Oklahoma sandstorm", got to the Salt Lake Marriott early yesterday.
As of this morning (Friday), Ruthie is still missing. But not to worry. WAC? is just fine.
While waiting for her, WAC?, who has a "3-day limit for anything to do with Utah", has amused himself by flirting with and/or taking liberties with the hotel help, mainly the reception desk staff girls, when they get off work.
"For a Marriott, it's odd that all these women are from Utah", WAC? said last night. "No European, Asian or or Latin American countries on the nameplates. Bummer."
"But these home-grown Utah girls have their advantages", WAC? remarked, "and Utah is like a foreign country anyway."
"For one thing, no matter what I say or do, they--three employees so far--are 100% agreeable to everything and anything, despite their presumably cultural-religious scruples", WAC? continued.
"And I mean anything--it's like I'm conducting a controlled multi-cultural experiment", he said.
WAC? explained:
"They remind me greatly of my Uncle Seamus, in Cork, Ireland, just before he took 'the cure'. He would sweetly smile, giggle, and nod his head up and down like a very old mental patient no matter what you said to him. He was only 30--but he had that far-away look."
"With the hotel help here, it's the same deal as with Seamus, but way, way scarier at first. Unlike my Uncle, none of these women are on the sauce, or even drink coffee...or so they say. You have to get used to it."
"So I will re-evaluate Utah and its people."
Posted by Holden Oliver at September 7, 2007 07:37 PM
Comments
I'll be honest: I'm a little panicky about Ruthie.
Has Dan Hull *really* killed her and buried her in the deserts of Utah?
If so, can he send me the grave GPS coordinates so that I may leave her a headstone? I promise not to grass him up to the filth.
Posted by: Geeklawyer at September 7, 2007 01:21 PM
Panic not, and apologies for not checking in for so long, I lost my wireless internet access in a part of America where use of the wheel is regarded as heretical, and where stumbling across the second coming was more likely than finding an internet cafe. Ruthie never fails to be astounded that in a country that put a man on the moon, a significant proportion of the population don't use telephones.
But dear readers, the information that you have all been waiting for: the reason for the failure of the long anticipated transatlantic summit between Ruthie and WAC.
Ruthie was all set for Utah: odd choice of venue, but suitably equidistant. She had hired her Harley and was proceeding along the interstate when a bright light in the sky started hovering overhead. Immediately it became clear that Ruthie had been identified as a superior member of the species selected for examination. After two days of being poked and prodded by multi-tentacled beings Ruthie felt that everything Dan had to offer couldn't possibly compare, so it was hardly fair to make him try.
Still Ruthie remains optimistic that once the memories have faded she will be ready to meet Dan on one of his regular vists to London. However, Holden: please make sure that Dan pays a few extra vists to the gym in advance to keep the stamina levels up.
Ruthie X
Posted by: Ruthie at September 8, 2007 09:55 AM