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September 07, 2010

Wanted: One Huntin' Dog. Then Another.

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And Another. Get three or four--and stop hiring. But Buy Boomer. Get stuff done. Resist the low standards of The Net and the CrappySphere. Nothing beats having a Boomer in your office when it's time to get things done. We're loyal, irreverent, and fun. You get energy, hustle, charm, and a nearly overwhelming sense of cultural identity. And we got that woof-woof thing going.

Yes, enthusiasm. We are always seen wagging some serious tail. Hardworking. Generation Moxie. Do-or-die.

And loyal.

But the real difference between "them" and us?

Weenies (by some estimates 98% of current work force, if you include older workers who buy into Gen-Y-style laziness and lack of self-respect)? They go through motions and push buttons on machines--and then say it's "work". The will never make anything, save anything, believe in anything, or even get famous for longer than 3 minutes. They are in love with the sound of their own breathing. Because, well, that's enough for them. (They will never even bark properly.) Low standards re: everything.

Boomers? Boomers will get their hands dirty, try anything to get work done (and are ashamed if they fail), and live to see problems are solved. We'll drool and roll around and make fools of ourselves over Work Done Well. And we love firing people in the morning after a good full moon--"feels like victory..."--even more than we love espresso, raw red meat and killing.

You want something done? Done right? Then Buy Boomer. Consider going straight to the top, for the best, and work from there:

HELP WANTED: Of counsel for growing and energetic Pittsburgh-based boutique business law firm with publicly-traded clients to die for. Candidate must have at least 8 years of highest level federal Exec. Branch experience, world-wide connections, Yale Law degree, one year at Oxford, own money and people skills. Crowd-pleaser. Must be able to sell anything to anyone. And be originally from Hope, Arkansas. State government experience preferred but not required. Same for participation in Renaissance weekends, and fund-raising. United Nations experience also a big plus. You don’t need to re-locate. Happy to set up the office for you. Wherever you want. Harlem or Chappaqua, New York are okay. Or DC. You decide. You can work out of your house. Whatever. NOTE: No previous private law practice experience necessary. Not a problem–no problem at all. Excellent benefits package.


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Above: Two intense way-fun boomers getting jazzed about accomplishing hard tasks. Resist the Crappysphere and the Anti-Work wank fest. Woof. OK?

Posted by JD Hull at September 7, 2010 11:59 PM

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