October 31, 2012
One Man's 2012 Halloween Plan: Turn off the lights. Lie on the floor.
So go away, okay? Look, I didn't buy any Candy this year--and when the neighborhood kids ring my doorbell tonight, I'll pretend I am not there. I was supposed to be in the District of Columbia tonight. The thought of stocking up with Candy for Halloween never entered my mind. I was off the hook this year. And then Hurricane Sandy pulled me back into Halloween. Early Monday morning US Airways cancelled my Tuesday flight to Reagan National Airport. This in turn has ensured an even busier week this week reshuffling things so I can do the trip next week. Look, I live alone. My last girlfriend evacuated weeks ago. No one to pick anything up for me.
As of this morning I still haven't bought any Candy. In a pinch, I could be okay: I still have 4 vintage Jolt Colas, 7 Red Bulls and a new carton of Marlboro Red Labels I can hand out at the door. But I decided a few minutes ago to "bypass" Halloween. Don't get me wrong. I love kids. I love Candy. For a bachelor, it is virtually a food group. I love anything with strong Celtic roots--I love Halloween, All Hallows' Eve, All Saints' Eve, Samhain or whatever you and your Pagan, Christian, Atheist or Other young ones call it. I just didn't get to the Vons in SoCal. I am not even here. So go away. Please. I am out of town. Spread the word.
Posted by JD Hull at October 31, 2012 01:17 AM