February 19, 2017
39 Things Long-Divorced American Lawyers Know
Paris 1952: Willy Maywald, Mannequin en tailleur quai Saint-Michel.
1. Never swive anyone named Zoe, Brigit or Natasha.
2. Let no one leave anything at your house.
3. Don't buy cheap shoes.
4. Shoe trees. Cedar. The most expensive.
5. Sorry. The Havard Bluebook is always important.
6. British women don't really like British men
7. Have a coworker in same room if you interview someone.
8. Completely legal interviews are not very informative.
9. Don't jump to hire law grads with blue collar backgrounds. Some think they've arrived and are done.
10. Women make better associate lawyers.
11. On documents Rules 34 and 45 do different things. Know what.
12. If you travel, cats not dogs.
13. Very attractive women think they're ugly.
14. Very attractive men are delusional.
15. Irish, Welsh, Finnish and Afro-American women are totally and forever in charge. They are heroes.
16. A disproportionate number of Irish people are drunks.
17. A disproportionate number of Irish people are verbally and lyrically gifted.
18. Jewish doctors do not get Irish, English or German drunks. Have a cookie instead?
19. Jews and Italians are the best drinkers. They have rules. They have the genes.
20. The Jews really are it. Consistently awesome and world-changing tribe for 2500 years.
21. Well-dressed Russian women are cheap, treacherous and insane.
The Cardsharps, Caravaggio, c. 1594
22. Most lawyers dislike being lawyers. It shows.
23. Lawyers are less well-rounded every decade.
24. Super-smart and super-nice kids--without lots more--make lousy lawyers.
25. There are at most 35 truly excellent American colleges and universities. It shows when you meet their grads.
27. Parisian men are not as insecure, jealous or violent as other men. Let's just talk about this, Luc, okay?
28. Never be impressed by Phi Beta Kappas.
29. Always be impressed by Marshall scholars, Rhodes scholars and Wesleyan grads.
30. Have at least 4 impeccable suits. They should be expensive but need not be tailored.
31. Don't wear bow ties every day. Almost every day is fine.
32. Cuffs on all long pants except jeans and tuxes. Khaki? Summer only.
33. Twice a month you should dress like a pimp from a New Orleans whorehouse.
34. Saabs can be driven forever. They like to go fast.
35. Know who you are. Learn if you can family history back 8 generations at least.
36. Talk to people on elevators. All of them.
37. Don't do Europe with other Americans.
38. Just 2 cats.
39. Trust no one in Budapest.
Posted by JD Hull at February 19, 2017 12:57 AM