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April 15, 2023
Henry Valentine Miller (1891-1980)
You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
Henry Miller
Posted by Holden Oliver (Kitzbühel Desk) at 11:59 PM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2023
1916
Posted by JD Hull at 06:52 AM | Comments (0)
April 13, 2023
107 Things Long-Divorced Slightly Amoral American Lawyers Know.
1. Swive no one named Zoe, Brigit or Natasha.
2. Let no one leave anything in your home or hotel room.
3. Don't buy cheap shoes.
4. Shoe trees. Cedar.
5. The Bluebook: A Uniform System of Citation (1926-present) is always important.
6. Most British women don't like British men.
7. Legal interviews don't tell you much.
8. Have a coworker in same room if you interview someone.
9. Don't jump to hire law grads with blue collar backgrounds. Some think they've arrived and are done.
10. Women make better associate lawyers.
11. On documents, Rule 34 (Production of Documents and Things) and Rule 45 (Subpoena) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure do very different things. Know what they are.
12, Dogs are the best thing about this planet.
13. Cats not dogs if you travel.
14. Great-looking women think they're ugly.
15. Great-looking men are a tad delusional.
16. Irish, Welsh, Finnish, Ethiopian and Afro-American women are heroes. Forever in charge. Enduring.
17. A disproportionate number of Irish people are drunks.
18. A disproportionate number of Irish people are verbally or lyrically gifted.
19. Jewish doctors do not understand Irish, English and German drunks.
20. Jews and Italians are the best drinkers. They have rules. They have genes.
21. The Jews are It. Consistently awesome and world-changing tribe for 2500 years.
22. Well-dressed Russian women are cheap, treacherous and insane.
The Cardsharps, Caravaggio, c. 1594
23. For decades the wrong people have gone to law school.
24. Lawyers are less well-educated and well-rounded every decade.
25. Most lawyers dislike lawyering.
26. There are at about 40 exceptional American colleges and universities.
27. Do one silly thing every day.
28. Never be impressed by Phi Beta Kappas.
29. Always be impressed by Marshall scholars, Rhodes scholars and Williams grads.
30. Have at least 3 impeccable suits. They should be expensive but need not be tailored.
31. Don't wear bow ties every day. Almost every day is fine.
32. Cuffs on all long pants except jeans and tuxedo trousers.
33. Wear khaki pants and suits or seersucker suits in Summer. Summer means Memorial Day to Labor Day.
34. Twice a month dress like a pimp from a New Orleans whorehouse.
35. Know who you are. Learn family history back five generations.
36. Talk to people on elevators. All of them.
37. Don't do Europe with other Americans.
38. Just 2 cats.
39. People are happy going through life as turds.
40. When in Rome, do as many Romans as you can.
- Hugh Grant (b. 1960)
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41. Always attribute--especially when you think no one will notice.
42. More than one person may have the same original thought.
43. Never let people tell you who you are.
44. Never let people tell you how to feel, think, act, write or speak.
45. Always talk to jurors post-verdict.
46. One juror will always surprise you big time. Learn who that is before you close.
47. Don't communicate in any manner ever with that one female juror who seemed to like you a lot.
48. Women are meaner, more vindictive and more treacherous than men.
49. The dumbest woman is 100 times more complex than the smartest man.
50. Most men are simple. Not that much going on.
51. Rule 36 (Requests for Admissions), my friend.
52. Rule 56(d) ('When facts are unavailable to the non-movant') is misunderstood.
53. Civil RICO is an unintended consequence. Use it the right way.
54. Seldom watch television.
55. All Moms suffer.
56. Your Mom is your best friend.
57. Buenos Aires has the best-looking people on this planet.
58. Lovemaking probably cannot be learned.
59. Love can be learned.
60. There are no lapsed or recovering Catholics.
61. All British women are named Lucy, Pippa or Jane.
62. Jewish women rarely have great legs.
63. Jewish women are good lovers.
64. Japanese women are the best helpmates.
65. Slightly insane WASP women are the best lovers.
66. Fewer people should become parents or lawyers.
67. Brown shoes go well with gray suits. No one knows why.
68. Your handkerchief should never match your tie.
70. Suspenders (or braces) are superior to belts.
71. Being Right is expensive.
72. No prayer is imperfect.
73. 'Thank you' is a prayer.
74. The English diss anyone non-English. This will not stop.
75. The French are playful.
76. The Irish are playful, but in a different way.
77. Women in Prague are not playful.
78. Zimmerman was right. You gotta serve somebody.
79. Don't tell people you just met your problems. They don't care.
80. Copy someone on every letter.
81. "Never write a letter. Never throw one away."
82. Many Jewish men are overly-suspicious. There's a reason for this. Work with it.
83. Irish guys talk too much. There's no reason for this. Work with it.
84. Never needlessly anger Sicilians, the Irish, the Welsh or Scots.
85. Be nice to important people who just had a downfall. Don't pile on. They'll be back.
86. 'Beware of the lily white.'
- J. Dan Hull, Jr. (1900-1988)
87. God was not kind to women.
88. Avoid people with no enemies.
89. Tighten up. Like Archie Bell & The Drells.
90. Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton worked a lot harder than you did.
91. Attitude is more important than Facts.
92. At work co-workers do one of two things: help you or hold you back.
93. Persian women make too much noise.
94. Tribes are important.
95. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- Ellen Jane Bry (b. 1956)
96. Nothing is more important than a first kiss.
97. Lots of women kiss badly.
98. Write prompt handwritten thank you notes. Use Crane's, at a minimum.
99. The Arts are 'central to life, rather than an add-on, like some set of alloy wheels.'
- Julian Barnes (b. 1946)
100. Coffee and sugar drive everything.
101. Ritual, minutia and irrationality are important.
102. Men say the vilest possible things to each other they don't mean.
103. Women say the nicest possible things to each other they don't mean.
104. Keep no ledgers on what people do for you.
105. Humans are Nuts. Get used to it.
106. End all talks, meetings and writings on a high note.
107. Trust no one in Budapest.
41. Always attribute--especially when you think no one will notice.
42. More than one person may have the same original thought.
43. Never let people tell you who you are.
44. Never let people tell you how to feel, think, act, write or speak.
45. Always talk to jurors post-verdict.
46. One juror will always surprise you big time. Learn who that is before you close.
47. Don't communicate in any manner ever with that one female juror who seemed to like you a lot.
48. Women are meaner, more vindictive and more treacherous than men.
49. The dumbest woman is 100 times more complex than the smartest man.
50. Most men are simple. Not that much going on.
51. Rule 36 (Requests for Admissions), my friend.
52. Rule 56(d) ('When facts are unavailable to the non-movant') is misunderstood.
53. Civil RICO is an unintended consequence. Use it the right way.
54. Seldom watch television.
55. All Moms suffer.
56. Your Mom is your best friend.
57. Buenos Aires has the best-looking people on this planet.
58. Lovemaking probably cannot be learned.
59. Love can be learned.
60. There are no lapsed or recovering Catholics.
61. All British women are named Lucy, Pippa or Jane.
62. Jewish women rarely have great legs.
63. Jewish women are good lovers.
64. Japanese women are the best helpmates.
65. Slightly insane WASP women are the best lovers.
66. Fewer people should become parents or lawyers.
67. Brown shoes go well with gray suits. No one knows why.
68. Your handkerchief should never match your tie.
70. Suspenders (or braces) are superior to belts.
71. Being Right is expensive.
72. No prayer is imperfect.
73. 'Thank you' is a prayer.
74. The English diss anyone non-English. This will not stop.
75. The French are playful.
76. The Irish are playful, but in a different way.
77. Women in Prague are not playful.
78. Zimmerman was right. You gotta serve somebody.
79. Don't tell people you just met your problems. They don't care.
80. Copy someone on every letter.
81. "Never write a letter. Never throw one away."
82. Many Jewish men are overly-suspicious. There's a reason for this. Work with it.
83. Irish guys talk too much. There's no reason for this. Work with it.
84. Never needlessly anger Sicilians, the Irish, the Welsh or Scots.
85. Be nice to important people who just had a downfall. Don't pile on. They'll be back.
86. 'Beware of the lily white.'
- J. Dan Hull, Jr. (1900-1988)
87. God was not kind to women.
88. Avoid people with no enemies.
89. Tighten up. Like Archie Bell & The Drells.
90. Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton worked a lot harder than you did.
91. Attitude is more important than Facts.
92. At work co-workers do one of two things: help you or hold you back.
93. Persian women make too much noise.
94. Tribes are important.
95. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- Ellen Jane Bry (b. 1956)
96. Nothing is more important than a first kiss.
97. Lots of women kiss badly.
98. Write prompt handwritten thank you notes. Use Crane's, at a minimum.
99. The Arts are 'central to life, rather than an add-on, like some set of alloy wheels.'
- Julian Barnes (b. 1946)
100. Coffee and sugar drive everything.
101. Ritual, minutia and irrationality are important.
102. Men say the vilest possible things to each other they don't mean.
103. Women say the nicest possible things to each other they don't mean.
104. Keep no ledgers on what people do for you.
105. Humans are Nuts. Get used to it.
106. End all talks, meetings and writings on a high note.
107. Trust no one in Budapest.
Originally published July 10,2016
Posted by JD Hull at 11:59 PM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2023
Lawyering: You Don’t Get to Have a Bad Day.
Job and His Friends, Vladimir Borovikovsky, 1810
There are bad days. A parent is sick. A child gets stitches. You are coming down with the flu. You learn your girlfriend is cheating on you. In fact, both of your girlfriends are cheating on you. But at least not with each other.
Rule 10: Be Accurate, Thorough and Timely--But Not Perfect. Practicing law is getting it right, saying it right and winning--all with a gun to your head. Being accurate, thorough and timely are qualities most of us had in the 6th grade, right? Back when everyone told us we were geniuses and destined for great things? But school's out--now it's about real rights, real duties, real money and personal freedom. That's a weight, and it should be. Suddenly facts are everything--and the actual law less important than you ever imagined. In time you learn to research, think and put things together better and faster. You develop instincts.
You learn there is really no boilerplate and no cookie-cutter work. There are few forms. You learn there are no right answers--but several approaches and solutions to any problem. You are being asked to pick one. But at first, and maybe for a few years, being accurate, thorough and on time is not easy to do.
‘I Have Clients?’ One day, you start to visualize your clients as real companies and real people with real problems. These are your clients--not your parents or professors--and they are all different. You feel their pain, and it's now yours, too.
Mistakes. If you work with the right mentors and senior people, they will allow you to make mistakes. You need freedom to make mistakes. You'll be reminded, however, not to let those mistakes out of the office and hurt any client. It's a balancing act, a hard one.
Bad days? So sorry. But your problem, Justin. You are expected to be ‘professional’--no, that is not about being polite and courtly with other lawyers--and put clients first on your worst day. And it's going to happen. Expect it. You have a difficult day ahead of you. A critical court hearing or motion. A jurisdictional deadline to file something. A meeting. A pitch to a new would-be client. But a parent is sick. You are coming down with something yourself. Your boyfriend is cheating on you. Your teenage kids hate you. Or maybe this morning you had to abandon that 12-year-old Honda you had in law school on the 14th Street Bridge. Minutes before your big afternoon meeting or court appearance, a GC or co-worker calls you with the worst possible news.
These things will happen. You sag visibly--like an animal taking a bullet. You're beaten, beaten completely--and now you have to get up and fight or act for someone other than yourself. In five minutes, you have to be at your very best. You up for this? Because, in our experience, very few of your peers are.
Bucking up. Using fear. While you can't work in a state of constant worry, fear and paralysis, talking yourself into heroics, getting a little paranoid and even embracing a little fear won't hurt you, and may even help. You are being paid both (1) to be accurate, thorough, timely and (2) to just plain not screw up.
Thorough means ‘anticipating,’ too. What makes you really good in a few years is being able to "see the future" and spot a ripple effect in a flash. To take a small example, if your client is in an active dispute with the government or on the brink of a full-blown litigation with a competitor, the client's and many of your own letters and e-mails aren't just letters and e-mails. Whoa, letters. Emails. They are potential exhibits, too. They can be used for you or against you. So they need to be written advisedly and clearly so that they advance your position and so that a judge, jury or someone 5 years from now can look at it cold and figure out what's going on. No talking to yourself here; think about future unintended consequences when you think and write.
But Not Perfect. Not talking about mistakes here. I refer to the paralysis of high standards. I know something about the second part of Rule 10--because I tended to violate it when I was younger. And I still want to.
Perfectionism is the great destroyer of young lawyers. Don't go there. Don't be so stiff and scared you can't even turn anything in because you want it "perfect” and you keep asking other lawyers and courts for extensions. It's not school, and it's no longer about you. Think instead about Rule 8: Think Like The Client--and Help Control Costs. Balance efficiency with "being perfect", and err on the side of holding down costs. If a client or senior lawyer in your firm wants your work to be perfect, and for you to charge for it, believe me, they will let you know.
"Patient Job" by Gerard Seghers (1591–1651), National Gallery, Prague.
Original WAC/P? post: April 3, 2011
Posted by JD Hull at 10:59 PM | Comments (0)
Go somewhere different. Meet someone different.
Posted by JD Hull at 11:08 AM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2023
The Resurrection, 1463, Piero di Benedetto
The Resurrection, 1463
Piero di Benedetto
1415-1492
Republic of Florence
Posted by JD Hull at 05:04 PM | Comments (0)
The American Morality Olympics
The giddy drive to make all American civic strife a team sport or a cartoon — complete with stock heroes and stock villains — is both the funniest and most dangerous thing happening in year 2023. Don’t miss it.
— Holden M. Oliver, April 6, 2023
Posted by JD Hull at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2023
The New Work-Life Lawyering
Posted by JD Hull at 05:35 AM | Comments (0)
April 09, 2023
Legal London in the Spring: Law Cattle in Love
Each Spring, we send you the complete text of a circa-1595 comedy by Shakespeare, Love's Labour's Lost. You can read it aloud--or, even better, act it out. First performed before Queen Elizabeth at her Court in 1597 (as "Loues Labors Loſt"), it was likely written for performance before culturally-literate law students [Editor's Note: Long ago, well-rounded professionals existed] and barristers-in-training--who would appreciate its sophistication and wit--at the Inns of Court in still over-percolating Legal London. And, most certainly, it was performed at Gray's Inn, where Elizabeth was the "patron". Interestingly, the play begins with a vow by several men to forswear pleasures of the flesh and the company of fast women during a three-year period of study and reflection. And to "train our intellects to vain delight". They fail happily.
Posted by Holden Oliver (Kitzbühel Desk) at 05:32 PM | Comments (0)
The Easter Ferret
Posted by Holden Oliver (Kitzbühel Desk) at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)